“THIS IS DAISY OF LOVE, NOT DAISY OF KILL!”
I can’t explain how absolutely shocked I am that a guy (Cage) with the words FIGHT OR DIE tattooed across his neck has a drinking AND an anger problem. At one point, after having an altercation with 6-Gauge and Flex, Cage tells Daisy they should go to the bottom of the hill without any microphones or cameras and whoever comes back up can stay and fight for her. I think that’s called major shadesters… and something a scary man trying to rape a little boy says. Also, a skunk rumbles its way in and squirts 12 Pack after he made out with Daisy forever during their ‘photo shoot.’ Normally I’d say he deserves it, but I heart me some 12 Pack. VH1: 12 Pack of Love… how fucking catchy is that!?!

PSYCHO PORNSTAR GIVES GRANDPA STIFFY, THANKS VH1
Charm School’s challenge for the week? Talk to old people at an old folks home and be nice. Is VH1 getting a discount for using old people in their shows? Key moment: Brittaney Star (can be seen fucking and sucking men in various pornos) gets recognized by one of the senior citizens. “I know where I remember you from!” the old man says. “You were in the nude!” Later in the episode, she “dances to the rhythm in her head” by wearing bright pink headphones and being a queef.

SNORE-Y & QUEEN: DOME MEAT ‘FOLLY’WOOD
In absolutely pointless news I shouldn’t even report, Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood premieres on Oxygen. I was a little too busy giving a shit about Obama’s new nomination (HELL YEAH!) to care about a woman from a show I didn’t watch growing up and a guy who has to screw his piece of paper wife with his eyes closed.

JOHN & KATE PLUS 8 HAND JOBS PLUS WHO GIVES A SHIT
Our favorite octomom and skuzzy dad premiered their new season of John and Kate Plus 8 on TLC. So let me see if I can get the story straight: He’s doing a school teacher doggie style while she’s cruising the gray pubes of their security guard. In other news I’m fairly certain they have a lot of kids and she’s an over-controlling bitch. In the premiere there were lots of tears. That’s probably all you need to know. Not because it’s classified, more like pointless.

LESBIAN THREEWAY NOW IMPOSSIBLE ON DUEL 2
After Rachel was just getting comfortable with her new pussy pal Jenn on MTV’s The Duel 2, Aneesa had to ruin it by playing the “you’re the one cooch I couldn’t get over” card. Too bad for Aneesa that Rachel didn’t give a shit and Jenn just wanted to punch her in the face. But it was the final moments when Jenn called out Diem for the Duel (and lost) where the ever lingering possibility of every male fantasy dropped as Jenn packed her bags. Atleast that Mark, Evan, and B-Rad threesome is still possible… of course… it’s already happening in my mind.