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Hugh Jackman kicked ass as he sang and danced across the Oscar stage. Slumdog Millionaire cleaned up and got a hearty diet of Academy Award love. I also got to watch Seth Rogen and James Franco act stoned in a Pineapple Express-styled Judd Apatow skit. This was a good fucking time to watch the Oscars.

Tim Gunn and Robin Roberts covered the red carpet. Apparently Valentino is a good luck charm for dresses: who knew? Oh sorry, I mean, who cares? It was during the red carpet that I got bored and decided to tape the Oscars and go to the bar to drink. Yes this was a good idea, because my bartender hooked me up and I got 5 beers, 2 martinis and potato skins for $8 bucks.

I turned off the TV right at the moment where Robert Downey Jr. walked down to be interviewed. I really have to admit I love that guy. The fact that he was nominated as Best Supporting Actor for playing a white guy trying to play a black guy is too strange. He played it almost too well, but I guess I was surprised anything Ben Stiller ever wrote would make it to the Oscars.

The opening skit with Jackman going through all of his “home made” props for the movies gave me some giggles, until he didn’t have any for The Reader, and he did this crazy dance sequence, and sang that he didn’t have any because he “hadn’t seen it yet.”

Hugh Jackman, I hate to giggle, but you made me feel like a first grader all over again… or you know… drunk from champagne.

After not watching last year’s awards because I was in college and probably too stoned to remember it was on, I was actually surprised at how entertaining this year’s was. Tina Fey and Steve Martin were an excellent pairing. I actually have to retract my Ben Stiller statement too, because holy shit his mock of Joaquin Phoenix was excellent. When he stuck the gum on the podium and wandered over towards the television screens and then moseyed back over I was sure that I actually was drunk and that maybe this heightened the amusement of it all. Whatever.

I love Pineapple Express, and any opportunity to see Seth Rogen and James Franco in something directly related to Pineapple Express that isn’t Pineapple Express is Pineapple Express. That’s the mathematical property of hilarity. It even made me laugh when Franco fucked up the pronunciation of the name of the winner for “Live Action Short Film” and then Rogen laughed, loudly about it.

The only thing I opted to fast forward through was the tribute to musicals. Not because I dislike musicals, but because I hate Beyonce and all that she stands for/on. I’m glad I did because I caught some blips of two people from High School Musical and Abba and there was no way I had any remote interest in that. I would rather slice off each of my toes with a cigar clipper than ever watch anything with Zac WhateverIdontcare.

Here’s a list of most of the winners. I hate to say I actually overall enjoyed this, but I did.

Best Picture- Slumdog Millionaire- Christian Colson
Best Documentary Feature- Man on Wire- Simon Chinn
Best Animated Feature- WALL·E- Andrew Stanton
Best Director- Danny Boyle- Slumdog Millionaire
Best Actor in a Leading Role- Sean Penn- Milk
Best Actress in a Leading Role- Kate Winslet- The Reader
Best Actor in a Supporting Role- Heath Ledger- The Dark Knight
Best Actress in a Supporting Role- Penélope Cruz- Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Best Writing - Original Screenplay- Dustin Lance Black- Milk
Best Writing - Adapted Screenplay- Simon Beaufoy- Slumdog Millionaire
Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award- Jerry Lewis- Comedic film and humanitarian work