Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Directed by Michael Bay
Reviewed by Tim Letteney
Michael Bay’s Transformers 2 has attained a seemingly unattainable accolade. The unthinkable has finally been achieved. An auteur has actually beaten art. It has been a long and arduous struggle between art and artist. Boundaries have been pushed, mediums have been redefined, but finally a man has stepped out of the Faustian circle of art and allowed us to see into the dark void that lies beyond. Frenchman Marcel Duchamp was close to attaining this transcendence by making a “Fountain” out of a urinal and putting it in a museum. But it took Michael Bay, a true American, to not only transcend his medium, but completely annihilate all forms of art. Bay has unimaginably made a film out of pure unfiltered fecal matter.
Some credit should go to writers Robert Orci, Alex Kurtzman, and Ehren Kruger for their emotional support. Michael Bay certainly could have attained this feat without them, but it was great of them to look past artistic integrity and right to their paychecks. Their hollow and tepid nature really allowed Bay to shine through their “writing.” Ocri and Kurtzman also wrote an intense experiment in happenstance called Star Trek, not sure if you are familiar with it. Sadly, JJ Abrams rescued that film and inserted charm and wit not found in the script. Luckily, Bay does not have the inherent talent that Abrams does. If he did, art may still be alive.
I feel I should be honest with you here folks. I know full well that as I write this movie review, the majority, if not all of you, have already seen Transformers 2. I wish I could right some sequence of numbers and symbols that could take you back in time so you could unwatch this movie, because I truly feel like we are worse human beings for having viewed it. I feel no inkling to summarize the plot, because I have no desire to fall into the great chasm of broken logic again.
Nobody goes to see a Transformers movie for the plot I understand this. We all just want to see robots fighting and I must admit ILM did a great job with the visual effects. Transformers 2 has a very pretty 50 minutes or so of robots fighting inside of it. I dare to dream how great it would look if Michael Bay had one iota of talent. It is shocking how poorly the battles are staged and sickening to think about how much money is up there on the screen achieving nothing but loose quickly fading smiles.
A movie like Transformers 2 is critic proof. There is nothing anyone can say that will make the general movie going public avoid it. Luckily, I am not here to dissuade you from seeing it. I am here to make you feel guilty for seeing it. I mean, isn’t there better things you could have done with your time? You’re not getting any younger you know. Just because the economy is bad doesn’t mean you can’t take steps to improve your life. Have you ever thought about volunteering at a youth center? Do you really need so much escapism? You know, it’s ok to walk alone without using your cell phone to block out any negative thoughts you may have. Your friends don’t want to talk to you right now anyway? Do you think they really care about the mind numbing play by play of your lunch break. You know who would like a call now and then though, your parents. You really should call your parents more. They won’t be around forever.
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